UEFA Council Press Conference Part 1: Selection Process Demystified

Chaired by Udit

We hereby commence this wonderful press conference – 

The Council – We here at the council, firmly believe in a transparent and a corruption free environment.

( Secretary : Sirs, Sepp Blatter on line 2)

The Council – Err… Tell him we’ll call him back.

(Secretary : Sirs, Berlusconi on line 5)

The Council – Dammit, Maria just disconnect all the lines.

The Council – Okay, where were we, yes, back to the point we here firmly believe in a bribe free environment.

*Ancelotti raises his brow*

The Council – No need to raise your eyebrow Ancelotti.. The selection for this prestigious competition has been completely honest and true, and represents no bias or prejudice towards any of the participants whatsoever. Right, so the purpose of this press conference is to explain to the participants, press, people, penguins, and perhaps porcupines the method and order that prevailed over the chaos prevalent at Gaz Downright HQ. The state of the art HQ has been founded by the rather generous donation of our benefactor Gaz Downright. What’s that you say? No. NO. How dare you suggest that. Police, remove this impudent man from the room immediately. Anyway, yes, so first we gathered the list of all the participants, we had a record 41 teams(82 participants) this time round competing for just 28 spots seeing as 4 had been reserved for the organizers. Yes, that is quite the norm, Mr.Nosey pokes. Anyway, 12 in the Euro cup and 16 in the FFS Friendly World Cup. After organizing the list of participants in an organized manner, and waiting for a grand total of 6.345 days. Eh? amount of time required to remit money to Switzerland? That is an irrelevant question. So, after that each member of the council gave each team rating points based – on 5 criteria – 1. Popularity and general helpfulness of the participants on the board. 2. Highest FPL rank of either manager. 3.Contribution to past UEFA events. 4.Team visions and goals. 5. Bank balan… WHO PUT THIS HERE.. MARIA You’re FIRED!. Yes, 5. Personal Interest in team- in total each member of the Council gave each team points out of 10, after which each member’s points were added and the total divided by 5 to achieve an average points tally, which determined how the people stacked up, the seeding and who qualified for which competition. For an example – the team of Isacki and LightKnight – both very generous managers, in giving advice obviously were given the following points – Member 1 : 7, Member 2 : 8.75, Member 3 : 8.5, Member 4 : 7.5, Member 5 : 8.5, Average rating 8.05, ranking 11th. Thus, The Knightinator team qualified for the Euro Cup and was seeded 15th. I think this is enough for today, We will explain seeding and team allocation tomorrow. I now call an end to this glorious press conference, and always remember our motto here, “Money is well money, but it is important”. We will now take questions from the public.